I'll Find You
by mourneroffictionaldeaths
Summary: Because Finnick understands being used time and time again. Because he can make me laugh, and because he understands me in ways no one else can. But most of all, because no matter what, we find each other. Finnick/Katniss one-shot


**This story is just a little drabble that popped into my head out of nowhere. This is not usually what I would write, but I just felt like it! I hope you all enjoy this. It's also only my second fanfiction story..so I hope its kind of good! This skips over a lot of parts and is sort of in between everything, so if that bothers you, don't read it. There is a very different plot twist in this that really fits in the existing story pretty well. It only makes sense if you've read or seen Mockingjay. Oh, I hope this makes sense! Gah. Anyway, Enjoy!**

Besides Peeta's hijacking and him hating my guts, Annie isn't much better.

She's not the same, she will never be the same again. The Capitol broke her completely. But Finnick tries. He tries so hard to bring her back, but all she does is stare into space with glazed over eyes. She never once acknowledges that he is even there.

"Annie," he begs. "Please. It's Finnick, Your safe now with me. Come back to me."

He's exhausted, everyone can tell. He spends every minute by her side, holding her hand, trying in vain to nudge her back into reality. It doesn't work. She doesn't eat, she doesn't sleep, just lives in her own little crazy world without speaking.

The doctors say she's practically dead. The Capitol worsened her already crazed state and brought her to the breaking point. Although she's physically here, she's mentally gone forever. It's just a matter of time before she really dies. Finnick refuses to believe it. As heartbreaking as it is, it's inevitable. The Capitol ruined his one true love.

If it's even possible, my hatred for the Capitol grows. I can't stand to watch. I must get away from Peeta, who although is getting slightly better, Haymitch says he'll never be the same. I must get away from Annie, and from Finnick, who's heart is slowly breaking and each day his hope is getting smaller. So I go to District 2.

••••••••••••••••••••••••

After getting shot in District 2, I end up in the hospital. I ache all over, and I'm tired. I miss Peeta, I miss his steadiness, his comfort. Everything is complicated. With the war, with Gale, with Peeta and Annie, and everyone. And in the districts.

I just want Snow dead. I want this war over, I want Peeta to be normal again.

Johanna comes to see me, though I'm unsure why.

The curtain whips back and she steps in. She looks better than she did when we first rescued her, but she's still too skinny and bald. She still has that same sarcastic demeanor though.

"Well, there she is. The Mockingjay." She walks over to my bed and sits rather gracelessly making me wince with pain. She smirks at my discomfort. Typical Johanna.

She pulls my morphling drip out of my arm and expertly inserts it in her own. "You don't mind do you?" How can I mind? She was the one tortured for months.

"Annie died you know," Johanna says, rather bluntly. "About a week ago."

No, I didn't know this. Poor Finnick.

I look up at Johanna. Who has her eyes closed now. "How's Finnick?" I ask, my voice hoarse. She looks to back to me.

"No one has seen him since it happened. He's locked himself in his room," she then says quietly, "I'm… worried... about him." Harsh, seemingly uncaring Johanna who doesn't let herself care about anyone, lets her mask slip for just a minute. But then its back again.

She reaches over to the table where the locket Peeta gave me in the Quarter Quell rests, along with the pearl. She grabs the pearl and rubs it between her fingers. "Is this from Peeta?" She asks. I look away. His name shoots a pain through me that I can't handle. It's easier to not think about what I lost. I nod my head.

"They messed us up pretty good, didn't they?" She says bitterly. It's not a question. Yes, they did. I think. And they're going to pay.

I begin training like crazy to be able to go to the Capitol. It's hard, but I have to go. I must kill snow. That becomes my motivation. Every day, it's the same routine. Wake up, train, eat, sleep. Repeat. It's my life.

One day Finnick shows up at training. It's so unexpected everyone stops what they're doing and stares. He looks tired. Purple bags under his eyes, bronze hair mussed, green eyes cloudy and red. And I understand to some level. Peeta may not have died, but I pretty much lost him.

We found refuge in one another while Peeta and Annie were in the Capitol, we can help each other out now. I run up to him and when he sees me he tries to smile. "Hey, Katniss." His voice is tired and full of pain.

"Finnick." I smile sadly. My friend is not doing well. Once again I have been selfish and haven't even thought of him once since that day Johanna told me of Annie's death. I give him a quick hug and step back.

"I need to go to the Capitol. I have to help stop this. I have to be there." He says slowly. "Annie... She died.. because of all of this, it has to stop. There needs to be justice. I want to help."

I nod my head. "Yeah. I understand. Come on."

Finnick and I help each other out, we train together, we talk, we eat together. Slowly, Finnick becomes himself again. He starts to joke and smile more. Our friendship goes back to what it was before the rescue mission. We become good friends.

I haven't seen Gale since District 2. We had our disagreement over what went on at The Nut and he has been spending a lot of time with Beetee designing something, or at least that's what I've heard from Hazelle and Prim.

Haymitch approaches me one day and says he needs to talk to me.

"Peeta wants to see you."

I stop short. I haven't seen Peeta since his talk with Delly when he ranted about how she needed to kill me. I said goodbye to him. He wasn't supposed to want to see me. It hurts. I can't.

"Haymitch, I really don't want to do this. I.."

"Katniss!" Haymitch yells. "Peeta needs this. He's doing a lot better. Some days he seems almost himself and other days he doesn't. We are all trying to help him out. All except you, it's time you did something for him, sweetheart."

Haymitch is exactly right. Again. But of course, I won't admit that. I glare at him instead. "Fine."

••••••••••••••••

After my visit to Peeta, I'm not in a good mood. It made it worse. He may be not actively trying to kill me, but he still isn't my Peeta. The Capitol ruined him. They took him away from me. For months I took him for granted, now I would do anything to have him back. Well, I guess it doesn't matter. I'll probably be dead in a few weeks. We're leaving for the Capitol tomorrow. But I still can't let him go. Why can't I let him go?

I'm sitting in one of my hiding spots, a hidden closet of sorts in an empty hall when Finnick finds me. It's an unspoken rule between us if one of us is having a day where we feel the need to hide, the other comes to find us.

He crouches next to me. "Hey."

When I don't answer he tugs on my braid and takes my hand. "You saw Peeta, didn't you?" He muses quietly.

I nod my head slowly. He has this way of always knowing things.

"I've gone to see him a couple times, too. I know you don't believe it Katniss, but he's still Peeta."

He's still Peeta. Yeah, I've heard that before. I don't want to talk about Peeta right now. So I nod my head and don't say anything. Finnick seems to sense what I'm thinking and says, " So… we leave for the Capitol tomorrow."

I nod my head again. "Yeah. Do you... Do you think we'll come home?" Even though I don't believe we will, I'm curious as to what he thinks.

Finnick is silent for a few minutes while he thinks. "Maybe. I really don't know. I guess we'll find out."

••••••••••••••

Gale and I are forced to finally confront each other on the hovercraft to the Capitol. I'm seated between him and Finnick. We have grown apart, and it's impossible to deny. I don't want to lose his friendship though. We have a half decent conversation and I finally feel a sense of camaraderie again. I missed Gale. Gale is still a little weary towards Finnick though. Ever since he accused me of having something with Finnick he hasn't really liked him, which makes me angry. Finnick is my friend. He understands things in ways Gale never will. The same as it was with Peeta. But Peeta is gone now.

Filming the propos is all squad 451 is doing. No fighting, no special mission, just the propos. They have to keep their little Mockingjay safe. How am I supposed to get to Snow doing this? I'm going to leave. I'm doing this by myself. I kill Snow.

Finnick, of course, knows me well enough to figure out my plan.

"I'm coming with you, Katniss," he says to me one morning while I'm eating in my tent. I know immediately what he's saying. I sigh.

"No. I'm not going to get you killed too. I've lost too many people." I can't lose Finnick too. I just can't. For some reason, Finnick is just too important to me to let him come on a practical suicide mission.

"Well, then I'll find you. You're not going by yourself. We stay together, protect each other."

Finnick's words cut deep. He's right, we always find each other. I glare at him, to which he grins because he knows he struck a chord with me.

"Fine."

Satisfied, he plops down in front of me in a very Finnick-like way and steals some of my food. It continues this way for a few minutes, Finnick doing something ridiculous or telling a joke that's not funny, and me replying with snide comments while holding back laughter.

We hear some commotion coming from the front of the camp and immediately start heading that way.

When I see what's going on I stop short and load my bow. It's Peeta. Why is he here? Why would Coin send him? He's not mentally stable enough to be here. He's going to try to kill me. Everyone around me is also probably wondering the same things. Why?

Finnick is the one who calms everyone down. He runs up to Peeta and stands in front of him.

"Everyone calm down!" He yells. It successfully quiets everyone. Then he turns to Peeta and whispers a few words I can't hear. He motions Jackson forward, says a few more words to her and jogs back to me. "Put the bow down, Katniss," he scolds gently. I didn't realize I still had it aimed at Peeta. I'm lost in my thoughts still. I don't understand why Coin would send him here. Finnick loosely grabs my hand and leads me to where Boggs is standing waiting to talk to me.

"Why would Coin send him?" I ask harshly. "She knows he can't take it out here."

Boggs looks grim. "She thinks your dangerous. She's afraid the people will only follow you and not her. Think about it, you've done everything she wants you to do, she didn't even want you here. The only thing you can do for this rebellion is.."

"Die." I finish for him. "She sent Peeta here in hopes that he'd kill me. So that I'd be a martyr for the rebellion and people will follow her." Realization dawns over me. I know now why I never liked Coin. I mean nothing to her, I was just a tool for her to gain power and help with the rebellion. I was used. Again.

Finnick, who is still standing next to me wraps me in his arms. I gladly go into his embrace. He smells of fresh air and salt water. Finnick understands what it's like to be used time and time again. He gets it.

•••••••••••••••••

Finnick takes Peeta under his wing. Reminding him of things that happened, jogging his memory. He's always having long conversations with him in a corner somewhere, where nobody can hear. I know he's trying to bring Peeta back, Peeta was his friend too, but I just can't hope too much. It's too painful to hold on to hope and then have it smashed before your eyes. I know Finnick wants me to help Peeta, he's constantly saying so, but he doesn't nag. Which I'm thankful for. Until one day. He's having a bad day, I can tell. A day where everything reminds him of Annie, and it's just too hard. A day where I have to find him and bring him back.

He's sitting in the corner of an empty tent with his head in his hands. I pad up to where he's at and gingerly take a seat beside him.

"Katniss, I just.. Why? Why Annie? She was so innocent, and I lost her. She's gone, Katniss!" he's pulling at his hair like he wants to pull it out.

"I know Finnick. I understand. The Capitol takes everything from us, even the people we love. You lost Annie, I lost Peeta." I say, grabbing his hand from his face.

Finnick shakes his head. "No, Kat. You didn't. You still have Peeta. He's not dead. It's still him, deep inside he's still the boy that loves you. He's confused and messed up, but he's not a different person. I would do anything to have Annie back even if she was like how Peeta is. At least there's a chance. I didn't give up on Annie until her last minute. Please don't give up on Peeta. He's trying."

I stare at Finnick. Is he right? Yes, I know he is. But how can I help Peeta? I wish I could tell him everything about himself, and about me and about how we got here. But I don't know where to start.

That night, on my watch, while sitting across from Peeta, I try to take Finnick's advice. While Peeta is talking about things he doesn't remember, and how he doesn't know what's real and what's not, I realize I've been blaming him for things that are out of his control. It's not his fault.

"Finnick says I should ask... what's real and what's not" Peeta says.

"Go ahead," I say softly.

"Your favorite color is green?" He asks slowly.

I nod my head. "Yours is orange. Sunset orange."

"Thank you," he whispers. I turn my head and catch Finnick grinning at me from his sleeping bag.

"You're a painter, you're a baker, you like to sleep with the windows open, you never take sugar in your tea, and you always double-knot your shoelaces." After that, I can't take it anymore and I have to leave. I dive into my tent before I cry.

Finnick and I are always together, somehow, in the midst of everything going on, Finnick is still able to make his jokes and getting everyone to laugh.

Our whole squad notices how close Finnick and I are.

•••••••••••••

All hell breaks loose when Boggs steps on the pod that blows his legs off. He gives the holo to me, tells me to do what I came to do-kill snow- and kill Peeta if I have to. Then I see a wall of black oil coming towards us. Chaos erupts. Everyone starts running toward an empty building when Peeta comes behind me and tackles me to the ground. His eyes ate pitch black and he has a crazed look on his face, nothing like himself. Suddenly Peeta is pulled off of me by Finnick and another member of our squad. "Are you okay?" Finnick yells. I nod my head.

Peeta and the other man-Homes-I think are struggling and the oil is getting closer. Finnick runs up just as Peeta pushes Homes into a pod that kills him. Two of our team dead in less than fifteen minutes. Finnick knocks Peeta out and slings him over his shoulder and we all continue running towards the building.

"We have to get to high ground!" Jackson calls.

We run up the stairs, as the oil continues rising. When we reach the last floor it finally stops rising.

I tricked them. All except Gale and Finnick. I told them I had special orders from Boggs to kill Snow. Now I'm leading them all on my suicide mission. Hopefully, I don't get them all killed. I shouldn't have said anything, but it was the only way to continue. Finnick says they chose to go on, that they know I don't really have orders from Coin, but I don't believe him. I'm disgusted with myself.

We all agree the only way we'll be able to continue is to go through the sewers.

••••••••••••••••••

Mutts. Lizard mutts. Ugly, horrific, and grotesque are not even adequate in describing how horrifying they are. Resembling humans with lizard features, smelling of roses and covered in blood. Chasing us. The grace period of Snow thinking we are dead is over.

Peeta woke us all up saying they sent out mutts, and now all we can do is run.

"Pollux, what's the fastest way out?" I yell through the noise. He makes a few turns, changes a few things on the holo and we are all running again. I suggest everyone else go ahead of me, but they all turn me down.

"I'm not leaving you alone!" Finnick yells. "Nobody will," Gale chimes in.

The mutts are catching up to us. Everyone is shooting at them, but it seems as if they are almost indestructible, it takes at least 5-10 bullets to kill one mutt. Arrow after arrow, shot after shot, the mutts keep pouring in through tunnels and chasing after us. They won't stop for anything.

Finnick is using his trident, fighting off the mutts. There are too many. We reach a ladder and all I can think is climb. I'm one of the first people up the ladder and helping pull people up when I realize how selfish that was. I'm halfway down the ladder when I'm being pushed up again by Gale.

"Climb back up!" He hisses.

Finnick. Where's Finnick? I look over the opening and there he is, trident in hand, still fighting the mutts. He's not going to make it. "Finnick!" I scream. No. Finnick can't die. I need him too much. I need him to find me. Gale is holding me back from climbing down when someone pushes past Gale and me and jumps through the opening.

Peeta.

He grabs Finnick and pushes him almost all the way up the ladder before yelling something.

Gale grabs Finnick and pulls him all the way in. Someone says something, the holo is pulled out of my grasp, because I can't think, can't breathe because the last thing Peeta yelled is still running through my head, " _I still love you, Katniss."_

His last act was to tell me he still loved me. Finally, I realize someone has grabbed the holo, whispered 'Nightlock' three times and dropped it down the ladder. The last thing I see before everything explodes are Peeta's eyes, blue as the summer sky. Peeta is dead. My Peeta.

I don't register that I'm crying no, sobbing until Finnick's arms wrap around me. He's crying too. "Why would he do that?" Finnick asks incredulously. Why? Finnick was Peeta's friend, Peeta loved me and knew how much Finnick means to me. I wrap my arms tighter around Finnick.

He knew. He knew what I didn't even know myself. I love Finnick. But no. I can't love him. I just can't, that's impossible.

"Guys, we have to go!" Cressida says urgently. "I know a place."

Finnick and I pull ourselves up. I look around at the squad. So many dead. Because of me. Jackson, the Leeg sisters, Castor, Messalla. Peeta. Guilt eats at me the whole time we are running. I killed them, I killed them all.

 _I still love you, Katniss_

How could someone love me?

Finnick jerks my arm and pulls me back into reality. We are in a tiny little shop that is filled with fur coats and such. In the corner of the room stands a disturbingly cat-like woman. "Tigris, we need your help."

•••••••••••••••••

In Tigris's basement, I admit to the squad that I lied about it being a special mission. They say that they all knew. I guess Finnick was right. It doesn't make me feel any better. I still caused the death of those people.

Finnick comes to sit by me. He takes my hand. "Katniss." Instead of letting him talk I throw my arms around his neck and embrace him. He's not dead. If Peeta gave up his life so that Finnick didn't have to die then I will make sure that he didn't die in vain. Peeta thought I loved Finnick. I'm not sure if I do, or if I don't, but I do care about him. "He saved your life," I whisper. "So that I could keep you."

What is true, is that we need each other. When I have a bad day, he pulls me out of it, when he has a bad day, I pull him out. We understand each other in ways that no one else can.

We find each other.

•••••••••••••

When the bombs go off in the city circle Gale is beside me. That's when I see it. Blond braids, two of them, and a ducktail.

"Prim!" I shout. I start pushing through the crowd. "Prim!"

Beside me, Gale stiffens. And then runs. I've never seen Gale Hawthorne run that fast. He reaches Prim just as the last of the parachutes go off.

I can't move. I can't breathe.  
I'm on fire.

My sister. My oldest friend. Gone, just like Peeta, my father. Dead.

I feel a lifting sensation like I'm being carried. Then I see sea green eyes and a flash of bronze. And then everything goes black.

White. I see White. And gray. And fuzz.  
I hear murmurs and whispers. But all I can think is that my sister is dead, and two of my closest friends.

Prim. Gale. Peeta.

•••••••••

Weeks go by. President Snow is dead, from my arrow. President Coin was assassinated two days into her presidency when she announced a new Hunger Games for the Capitol children. Paylor is the new president, Panem is free. There are no more Hunger Games. People are starting to build new lives for themselves and recover from the war.

••••••••••••

Finnick visits me every day, he brings me news about what's going on, but mostly, he just comes to talk. He comes to make me laugh, get me to smile, he is the only one I speak to. We only have each other, it's all that's left. Because we promised we'd find each other no matter what.

Eventually, he brings me out of my haze. It's a long journey, but slowly I do talk to other people and I stop thinking of what I've lost, and instead of what they would want me to do if they were still here. We promise to live good lives and remember all the good we've seen. I let myself love Finnick. In the end, though, he's the one that says I love you first. We still have hard times, of course, but it's easier with someone who understands it exactly.

In our sadness, in our weakness we are still able to keep going because we know that we are not alone, we know that no matter what, the other **will** find us again.

 **The End**

 **So, how was it? Good? Terrible? I have to admit killing off Peeta was really hard to write..I'm sorry!**

 **It would make my day if you review the story. If any of you have some advice to make my writing better, I'm always open and looking for tips!**

 **Thanks for reading!**


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